Healaheart - Love approval
People I work with suffer with codependency, tender inner child issues, "people pleasing," and obsessive love behaviors. I enjoy assisting others get out of suffering while contributing to their learning of how how they came to be in this predicament in the first place. However we don't stop with your story. I enjoy people's increased awareness and growth getting past the beliefs that limit them. I focus on a gentle nurturing approach in caring for oneself by offering a spiritual component to healing. My work explores practical strategies for change like speaking your truth with strength and dignity, boundary awareness for yourself and others.
Ask yourself, is this you? Are you wondering if you fit with the people I work with? See if any of the following scenarios sound familiar:
- You find yourself unable to say "No" even when something inside you knows you should. Maybe it's about which restaurant to go to or who should we invite over for dinner, or bigger things like committing yourself to an intimate relationship or helping a friend move even when you're feeling sick. Perhaps you find yourself exhausted and you're uncomfortable asking for help. You go along with a program without exploring how you deeply feel about it or what you might need to be at peace. You deny what you really feel to avoid conflicts, and make others happy or happy with you. You wonder what is wrong with you when you feel resentful and irritable with those in your sphere of contacts.
- When someone you love is struggling, your world is off-balance. You spend time and energy trying to figure out how to fix the problem, or find a solution. You just want everyone to feel happy and get along. If your partner had a bad day at work, you jump into action to "make it better." But somehow it never quite works, and the desire to be needed and loved backfires into a fight, or silent distance. You say to yourself, " "I just want to help!"
- You struggle with getting close to people. What if they discover you're imperfect, horrible, boring or not worth knowing? You feel that you have to perform perfectly in order to be accepted - fearing a mistake, or worse, admitting you're already made one. Your fear guides your actions.
- You hide your emotional pain. You don't want to be alone, but need to not burden anyone else. It's easier to answer the question, "How are you?" with "Fine." You function on overdrive to make sure no one knows you aren't happy. You are good at it too! But somehow, you are still feeling disappointed when others fail to live up to your expectations and standards.
- You neglect to care for yourself. When in a relationship, you stop caring for your body or health. You fail to eat or overeat or use substances to avoid, escape, numb out, comfort or punish yourself. You lose yourself in the habits of your partner as a way to "bond" by having more in common or as a way to be accepted. If you do try and take a healthier lifestyle approach to caring for yourself, you end up harping on your partner to do the same - a "we plan as a strategy is formed" and there are just more fights when your partner doesn't go along with the program." It's easier to give up and say, "I'm outta here."
- You believe no one really cares about you. You say things like, "If you loved me you would (or wouldn't) do that!" Yet, even when the people who love you the most tell you often that they indeed do, you don't trust or believe it. You struggle with unworthiness. Something underlying continues to tug at you, compelling you to do things to test their love for example: engaging in harmful habits like drugs or excessive food intake, shopping, gambling, excessive body glamour improvements to gain recognition, acknowledgement and attention (or sympathy, comfort and escape); you find yourself engaging in moody, crabby and argumentative behavior - blame, judgments, guilt or shame to get what you want or you push people away to head them off at the pass before they dump you! It's habitual and you're sick and tired of it.
- You have a fantasy that meeting the "right" person will make it all better. You constantly fantasize that your troubles will go away with the right person, job or geological location. Looking for him or her, or that job, continues to interrupt your ability to accept what you have or to move on with your life. Perhaps you find it easier to break up, or quit, and start looking again for the perfect relationship that's going to be all that you want it to be. You move from relationship to relationship, or job to job -- or you are stuck in what you have, constantly wishing it were easier or better so you could be happy.
It may hard to see yourself described in the above. No matter which of these situations you find yourself in, there is relief and joy available to you. I also find in that we don't need to consider ourselves with a label of codependent, in my experience I see people in all walks of life sharing at least some of these similar issues. I consider my work assistance in your healing journey. If you are currently in counseling, considering it, or attending a 12 step group,I encourage your continued participation and avenues of self growth. Please see my resource page as additional assistance.
My approach will work for you if you are:
- learning about yourself
- have a desire to go inside your own heart for answers
- have an interest in working outside the box
- strongly suspect that you have the answers already inside you and want confirmation
- seeking a spiritual foundation as a way to heal
- you are an adult female or male 18+ older.
Once you've determined that this is a fit for you, you can can do one of the following:
- Find out how this all works by clicking here.
- Sign up on your left to be added to my free monthly teleclass on Remembrance, receive my free newsletter, Love Approval, and receive announcements about upcoming workshops in the area and teleclasses (teleclasses are conducted by a conference phone line). That's all you need to do. I'll remind you of offerings as they are announced. You will be asked to verify (confirm) after you sign up under "add me," Please confirm so that we can stay connected.
- View my services and events page listing all my offerings, click here.
- Contact me directly, I would love to hear from you and offer you a free consultation. Click here.
