Healaheart - Love Approval
I know that any lasting codependency improvement endeavor starts by being tired and fed up with the status quo. From this place, change is likely to occur. If my, "Is This You?" page described you, read on...
How it works. If you are serious about healing, consider these concepts:
- There is a spiritual component to any healing. Many attempts at healing only deal with the physical, emotional or intellectual understandings of pain and negative patterns. Often what is missed is the spiritual component, or what lies deep in your heart. When you can heal your heart, often the issues in the physical, emotional or mental realms follow. Accessing your hearts' guidance is important, and comes from a very deep, secret place inside you.
- Working with the heart takes great care. When you uncover the wounds that reside in your heart and spirit, they must be handled with great gentleness. This is the most vulnerable part of you. In order to heal fully you need to treat your heart, yourself, and your wounds with tenderness. Through care, healing is possible.
- Notice what is in your external environment. When you are on the journey to healing your heart internally, external shifts will naturally occur. The extent to which you are able to heal, however, and the speed of which you allow healing to take place, often is influenced by your external world. Surround yourself as much as you can with supportive people, supportive community, places that bring you peace and joy and a rich life of knowing your true self.
Over time, people I work with say they are more understanding of their emotional turmoil and external addictions (codependency). They also report they have tools to work through some of their difficulties and know that they are a "work in progress" so they are less harsh and impatient with themselves. The benefits of implementing these concepts into your healing journey will go a long way to leading a life with more joy, peace and a full rich life of knowing your true self.
The myth of "It's Not That Bad"
When we have bad habits, it's very easy to rationalize them into small problems. You might have internalized negative patterns, beliefs and behaviors to the extent that you don't notice how they are limiting you in your life.
Maybe you aren't so limited. Perhaps you have a few nagging patterns but you don't feel they are a big deal. If that is true, then GREAT!
But just in case, think back over the last week and answer these questions:
"Have I regretting saying yes to someone more than twice in the last week?"
"Have others said I was moody or irritable for no reason more than twice in the last week?"
Have I wished or fantasized things being different so I would feel better about myself/my life two or more times in the last week?"
If your answer was "yes" to any of the above questions, you may have a bigger problem than you think. It is likely that you are putting yourself and your needs aside in an unhealthy way and eroding your own self worth in the process.
When this happens, resentment, irritability, depression, rationalization and deterioration of your physical, emotional and mental health follow your disconnect from your heart and spirit.
How can one heal the heart with love?
Most of what I learned of finding deep Love in the heart, I learned from the Sufi's. Sufi author, Neil Douglas-Klotz, describes it as a "a way of experiencing reality as Love itself." I have found experiencing reality as love itself the most thorough and most efficient way to truly heal. The expression, "Love Heals is just exactly that!" As you learn to give up negative notions and beliefs you have about yourself and see yourself as you were created to be, old patterns disappear.
One way to give up negative notions and beliefs is through a practice called Remembrance. Remembrance is a holy practice for people of all faiths. Simply put, It is remembering God in your heart. Recitation of the name of the "One" or highest image you hold in your heart to God, Supreme Being, Love, Peace etc. is a doorway to knowing yourself.
Remembrance can be taught to people and it is my pleasure to teach this loving practice. One of the many benefits of Remembrance, is that we can begin to face core issues that keep us locked and stuck in misery. I have found this work personally healing and very helpful for people who struggle with insecurities and fears that are rampant in a "Disease to Please" and other insecurities and fears in relationships (for a description of how to do Remembrance on your own, see my Services page under Newsletter Archives (Article #1).
An example using Remembrance: I worked with a woman who had a negative self image of herself. I'll call her Mary. Mary's complaint was that she often felt angry, depleated and "taken advantage of." For as long as she could remember, she said she tried to make people happy and tried to stay out of fights. If she wasn't taking care of everyone's needs on demand, she felt bad about herself. Guilt would take over leaving her feeling worse. In the practice of doing Remembrance, she recalled a time when she was a young girl sitting with her grandmother at the kitchen table. She said she could still recall the smells of baked goods coming from her grandmother's oven. At one point, her grandmother gave her a great big kiss and told her she was a "spoiled brat." While this memory was true for her, the belief that she could be viewed as a spoiled brat was abhorrent to her.
As a young child, she could see that she had made a decision (conscious or unconscious) not to be viewed as a spoiled brat ever again. This seemingly innocent decision about how not to be viewed reared up in many areas of her adult life with her spouse, family, work, church life, etc. One way it manifested was in Mary's inability to say "no" to request after request to do more by others even when she was exhausted. It was a dilemma for Mary since saying "no" meant she was in fact bad and a spoiled brat who thought only of herself. In remembrance, she could see that the comment her grandmother made about her being spoiled was, after all, innocent and given with affection. Nonetheless, Mary's decision had resulted in negative beliefs about herself.
Beliefs can be formed from decisions, not always the result of trauma of rejection or abuse. It is our perception of a situation and what it means to us that shapes our behaviors and actions.
In the weeks that followed, Mary began to give herself permission to be more in touch with how she was feeling and what her needs were. Through her continued use of Remembrance, Mary learned how to express her needs in a way that was more honoring of everyone in her sphere. She also went on a retreat and felt alive and on the right track upon her return. She realized that because she had a bad start with her decisions, she didn't need to have a bad finish.
Your facilitator
Ann Bruckelmeyer, MSW and knowlegable in addications. She brings healing arts into her work having graduated from a 3rd year program at the Jaffe Institute of Spiritual and Medical Healing in 2003 (renamed University of Spiritual Healing and Sufism in 2006) and completing additional training from the University's two year teacher's internship program. In 2008, she was named a Shadhuli Muqaddam given permission to teach by the head of the Higher Sufi Council in Jerusalem, Shaykh Muhammad al-Jamal ar-Rifa'i as Shadhili.
Recently, Ann has been taking extensive training in the practice of non-violent communication as taught by Marshall Rosenberg, Phd. She is beginning to add this work to her repertoire to assist individuals, couples and groups communicate compassionately. Currently she is piloting a program in a public school on emotional literacy.
As a sufi healer working with people on different spiritual paths (religions and orientations) it is not a problem. In essence, all paths lead to the same path - the One God in Unity. Sufism has allowed me to accept other's paths without judgments or the need to change anyone to see it my way. In my work as a facilitator, I would like to assist you on your own healing journey. My work combines traditional counseling with spiritual healing work.
I work with individuals, couples and groups. My approach will work for you if you value spiritual growth, peace in your heart, loving connections, facing problems head on, thinking "out of the box", trying something new and exploring yourself deeply.
Considering taking the next step. I suggest:
- See my Services and Events page for complete offerings, click here.
- Sign up for my free newsletter, Love Approval, on your top left and I will keep you informed by e-mail of upcoming workshops or teleclasses.
- You are welcome to read some of my articles here. I hope you find something of use.
